I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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