...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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