So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome