Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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