that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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