Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
