Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
