He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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