it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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