is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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