i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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