My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
