that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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