Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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