Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
