Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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