Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
