I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
