I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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