she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
