yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
