Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
