please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
