I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
