Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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