his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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