alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
