If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Life is so much better after having sex.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
