drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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