before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
