Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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