am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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