Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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