Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
