my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
