So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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