and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
