She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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