The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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