stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Randomize
