Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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