I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
