Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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