I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
