I think my vagina is haunted
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
