It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
