I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
