In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
