I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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