I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
