I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
