I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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