Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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