I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize