I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
