I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
