so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
