Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
