My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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