Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
