I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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