The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
