mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
