There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
