He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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