Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
someone owes me an orgasm
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
