She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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