They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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