Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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