Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
