I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
