i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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