My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
