This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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