I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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