I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
