Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
