How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
it glows. i had to have it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
