Swine flu. Run for my life!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
