I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
